Whole lot of 2017

Dear Ruth:

I let a month pass before responding and I do not like it. Now there’s so much happening and I have to update you on it all.  First, I am very happy for you and Magpie and your desire to just be alone and cat all day. This is a very common symptom of being happy and not needing much.  It takes work to make balance between enjoying yourself and enjoying your partner within the constraints of whatever free time you have. How are things going with Lily? Did it get extra extra serious after you met the parents? How is she with the space giving?

I have all the questions.

If Mindfulness is your word for 2017 mine is :::drum roll::: SLAY. Yes Bitch! Slay like a Queen!!! I have a tendency due to my mental illness to just simmer in self pity and mope. I am trying to break these patterns, allowing myself to pity party for short periods of time to get it out of my system and follow it with a fair amount of SLAAAAYYYYY. I want to learn to stay gracious and grateful and enjoy what I have while waiting for what I want. It seems like medical school may not happen (for the second time FML) but I am applying to other programs and whatever I get into I need to SLAY.

Just Like you are taking good care for your body (are you? Are you?) I am trying to be more active. I enjoy cooking and I manage food better than I manage exercise. Plus the mental illness wants me to go from bed to couch and couch to bed. So exercise is the hardest part for me. Thankfully, we have each other to keep us in check. Key gave me a free Yoga month and I’m going to use it in March. Talking about Fresh Tracks, this year I am trying to live by the Wheel of the Year and plan my growth and activities with the seasons. January was raining here like crazy and I decided to hibernate. February I am doing a training for a Crisis Counselor Volunteer position and that will take lots of my time, but I am going to start becoming active again.

In March I will use my Yoga month and by April it should be warm enough for me to work out outside (which is literally walking two miles, dog in tow). Keeping busy with all the things help me cope with the waiting in regards to school and all the programs I have applied to. Something has to hit eventually and I will be able to move back East which I really want. I am a bit nervous about making such a transition alone but I trust the Universe everything will come out all right.

In the Polyamorous realms, I am still seeing Key, the guy from the summer. Things with Karina are going well, I think I need to end things with Sandra since that is not growing and we don’t really have the right kind of chemistry. Also, 3 baes is a lot. I do not recommend it.

I took a small trip to NY to recycle my tickets for when I was supposed to go for Cory’s birthday. I went to the Woman’s Right March and had a blast. It was great to see my friends and it really just made me sad that I cannot see them more often (which is why I want to move closer).  I saw Abby and we had a great time, we worked things out and I am getting better at accepting she’s friends with Cory even though my heart burns of jealousy. I also saw Cory at the march and it’s clear than whatever was there is not over. I am not sure if I am still in love with her but I am sure I don’t want to be with her. Maybe in a thousand years when she’s not longer a coward I’d consider it. For now, I keep my feelings to myself and focus on the people that want me in their life.

Representing the Resistance. Queer Resistance, Trans Resistance, Female Resistance.

2017 is going by so fast and with all the changes and all the political scares it’s going to be a busy year. I have chosen the causes I am going to focus on and narrowed it down to three: trans rights, reproductive rights and mental health stigma. Being part of every possible minority puts me in the midst of all intersectionality with very little privilege, however I am a cis gender woman and there’s so much privilege that comes with that. So I have decided to be a Trans Ally and I am learning to navigate that space. It’s hard when you have always been an insider to try and support a community in which you don’t belong. I have never experienced being an ally, I am enjoying the process and learning on the way.

This letter has been a crazy pointless rant but I do hope you enjoyed it. I will try to write again soon with a better program.

Please tell me everything about Lily and Magpie and your queer community in Portland so I can live the perfect lesbian life vicariously.

I love you like crazy


PS: I no longer do a New Year Resolution. I make a list of things to consistently work on and here it is for 2017. 


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