I wanted to start this saying WTF but I am not really all that surprised. And it’s not because I am a dead-inside cynical bitch but because of the things you’ve said about her and because you have not been posting pictures on social media. Something just felt off, maybe it was just our friendship has turned into a telepathic connection. Who knows, but I suspected it.
And it makes me very very very sad. I know you loved her and how special she made you feel. It sounded like she was mature and invested. This could have been a great thing, but here comes life again and plays another trick. I have to give you the kudos though, because you sensed it and you acted. You released her from your relationship into a world in which she can find someone to fall in love with who would fall in love with her. Your words reminded me so much of my break up with Trace last May. You and Trace were in the same situation, but you handled it so much better.
You acted with kindness and compassion and let go of the person you loved so they can find something better. You did not fake it until you made it. You did not hold her emotionally hostage. Trust me, she will forgive you and she will heal. I have forgiven Trace and I have healed (albeit slowly). She is going to hurt for a while, and then she’s going to be okay.
According to Sex and the City, it takes you half the time you dated someone to get over them. And this can be very true or very false. In cases of unrequited love (story of my life), I am more likely to agree with Pablo Neruda when he says: Love is so short, forgetting is so long. She will need time, she will need her process. And you will need yours.
When it comes to love and falling in love, I have a theory: You can plant a seed, but you cannot make it sprout.
You pick the best soil, you fertilize, you water, you play music for it, you put it near a window. But you cannot make the motherfucking seed sprout. I have learned this the hard way by trying (unsuccessfully) to grow basil. You picked a great seed Ruth she was great. You heart is good soil, you did good caring for it, but it did not sprout. It is not your fault, it’s not something you can control.
Why do we fall in love with certain people and not others? I have no fucking idea. I would love to be able to pick and choose who I have deep feelings for. Right now I am running through a list of exes and all I can think of is: DEFINITELY NOT, (if I had been given a choice).
I don’t know if this comes off the wrong way but :WELCOME BACK TO FOREVER ALONE. I got things to say about this.
Last week, in the middle of ending things with Sandra (which was very smooth and dramaless), fighting with my friend Abby and drowning in PMS, I found myself in a very dark place. But it was a new dark place, it was not the usual. There was a sadness that I could not place. I am not lonely, I am not depressed. What is it?
It was this: I am not in love. I have been in love with someone for the last five years. Mind you, not necessarily in a relationship and not necessarily happy. I went from being in love with Izzy to being in love with Cory to being in Love with Trace to being in love with Cory to now. My heart is for once at liberty. It is exhilarating and terrifying to not have a person. I don’t have a person to daydream of, or to text romantic messages to, to think of when I am singing Baladas or to picture myself with in 5 years. I am dating and I care about my baes. But I have no intentions of investing emotionally in a long term relationship any time soon.
What is it about being in love that is so appealing? Why do we gravitate so strongly towards the intensity? Are the butterflies even worth it? I wish being in love was not such a big deal Ruth. But it is and that’s why we find ourselves in this position.
I know that things are hard for you right now and I am sorry that your reality is such. I just want you to know you made the right call and that you will recover.
Stay soft my friend. There is so much love still to be experienced.
P.S. I love the poster of your goals. GET THAT TATTOO!!!