Cogela Suave

Dear Ruth, 

You can not make this shit up. Two letters ago the world was ending and now it’s all explosive love and intergalactic rainbows? SOUNDS LIKE YOU!!!! 

I am not going to spoil this for you with my cynicism because TBH, it’s not worth it. You sound excited and all happy. But what I like the most is that you sound sure. See? the last few times I do not think you were ever this sure. Like cookie baking possessed by aliens sure.  Your gut -who I intensely hate- has not come up to whisper things in your ear. 

This is you in your past break ups:

Also tell me about the sex, is it fireworks? or more like fireflies? 

In other wordly news, I took the quiz you sent and got a 77. I guess it has sucked 77% of the time? Maybe I am too hard on myself. 

I am on a small break this weekend, in between summer and fall session. It’s only a few days but it feels nice to come up for air. Tobias had a bad weekend last weekend and I was ready to pull the plug. I made the “appointment” to have him euthanized today but I could not go through with it. I always say I am the kind of person that can easily let go of people because I accept that they are temporary. 

I am definitely not that person right now. I wish Toby could speak and tell me he’s in pain, or annoyed or tired. I just want to be 100% sure that I will know when is time. I thought it was but I just could not. Fail euthanasia attempt :/ I got some more meds to try to help his breathing, which is the current issue. Let’s see what happens. 

Sometimes I also wish he’d just die on his own. Is that selfish? Like why do I have to make this choice? I don’t wanna. It hurts too much. 

But the universe, She got my back. 

I walked out of  my failed vet appointment feeling all sorts of way, with my cancer patient still in tow. And I found a little bird. A little ordinary city bird, reminded me a little of Birdie Sanders. He could not fly. Or walk. Something was broken, seems like half of his body was semi paralyzed but there was no sign of damage or any blood. 

I picked it up, examined it, Tried to find the cause of the pain. Was it a broken leg? a broken wing? both? I could not figure it out. I debated for good 10 minutes what to with it. I considered nursing it back to life but not knowing what was wrong I really would not know what to do. I wondered if there was somewhere I could take him, and then it occurred to me that maybe it was his time. I don’t know how old this bird is, it could be really old and just…ready. It crossed my mind to put him out of his misery before a cat find him on the ground and eats him. 

As expected, I could not do it. I could so easily break this creature’s neck and he won’t have to struggle anymore or suffer a painful end. Maybe even starve. I could not do it. I just could not. Maybe I don’t have it in me to kill an animal. I am all pro euthanasia, even in humans. But I could not physically do it. 

It hit me that I am being unrealistic with this process with Toby. I have been saying, I will know when is time for sure. I will be certain. I will do what needs to be done..blah blah blah. But here I was unable to make that decision for a street bird who is most likely going to die soon if his wing does not start working. A bird I had just met who, one could say, means nothing to me. 

I took pictures because i knew this story would be so fantastical to hear:

I am back at zero. Not knowing right from wrong. Just loving my furry son for as long as I can. 

 

Nothing new in my dating life. Have not made friends in school yet. One girl seems promising. I tried going out with my classmates this week after finals, but I got there and got drunk too quick and had to leave. I am such a social fail. It’s hard for nerds, you know. 

 

 

I hope the torch of love burning in your chest keeps your path lighted. 

I saw you got a letter from a reader and cannot wait to see your reply. 

Please take it easy with this girl, that’s the tile of this letter by the way: Cogela Sueva. Or if you wanna try the Spaniglish version it goes “Cogela con takeiteasy”. 

Love,

Nora

PS. The tarot does not take YES/NO questions. Think of something open ended.

 

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